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One of my dad’s theater parties. She was at least twice my age. Shapely but in shape if you know what I mean. Beautiful. Blonde. Sure of herself. Dad invited her and her husband as possible investors, so I’d never met her. Her husband ... they were obviously beards. He was on the fey side of gentlemanly. Focused on Charlie, which is always a tell. She focused on Charlie’s sister, Essie...”“Your dad’s wife,”“Yep. Until she turned her focus on me, catching my stare. And smiled rather sinisterly. And beckoned me to her. It was really quite hot. When we exchanged names, I let her know I lived there. In the townhouse where the party was. She asked if we could go somewhere private. I took her to my room. We spent a couple days there.”“A couple days?”“Yep. She taught me everything I could possibly know about making love to a woman. Even took my actual cherry.”“So dildos weren’t part of your masturbating.”“Not until after that. But I discovered I preferred fucking rather than getting. The view might as well have been the brick wall of his apartment. He had very specific intentions.“I need a new car, a new apartment, a new wristwatch, and a new wardrobe,” he said to the junior executive, her expression as numb as a sheet of ice.“Let me pull up your account, Mr. Whitcomb.”After looking the figures over, she said:“It really depends on what type of car, apartment, wristwatch, and wardrobe you can afford.”“I was thinking a Mercedes-Benz, CLK series, a two-bedroom South Orange condominium, a Rolex Presidential, and a new suit from Barneys.”She typed into her computer and said finally:“Well, Mr. Whitcomb, how about a Geo Prism, a rental in Newark, a Timex, and some pants from K-Mart.”“Unacceptable,” he said. “I need the afore-mentioned items immediately.”She again typed and said:“The only way you can buy those things is if we leverage fifty-percent of your account. It’s not recommended. In fact, you’re likely to go broke if your portfolio dips below a certain.
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